Just how long before this goes down?
Bits & Pieces
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Trackspin: Chris Tomlin - Indescribable.
I'm currently feeling like shit. Still having difficulties breathing without pain and I still can't swallow properly so eating today will be a bitch. Damn it. Don't know what's with the sudden onset of this. Worse still, I haven't told anybody at home about it and I feel that it's worth going to the hospital to ask about. Or at least a clinic, if I don't want to seem to extreme.
Things have changed for me. A whole lot. I just get the feeling that I don't matter anymore. It just plain doesn't matter if I live or die. Maybe things would be a whole lot better if I weren't around anymore. How did things get the way they did? Am I just thinking too much, that things are just an illusion in my mind now? Or is it truly unfolding in front of my eyes and showing me that life indeed could be better for many others if I weren't around? I just feel that the world could use one less asshole around and that's me.
Went for basketball yesterday and I guess it was fun, winning all the games except the first. Was fun trying to get back into it after so long. Could really work on my shooting again though. Feel like crap knowing I can't play next week though. And not being able to play for ED for the next year and a half is also killing me ever so slowly. I digress. Back to ball, I felt rather rejuvenated from running around so much and I was kind of pleased at the games played and how I managed. Also, I'm closer to the rim once more. Time to train harder still if possible. I want to get that rim again!
Easter vigil last night was an experience for me. Can't remember the last time I went. Think I missed it last year because I was helping out and due to lack of seats left, I stayed on in the room. Or was that two years ago? I can't really remember. All I know is that I'm very out of the loop with regards to church now. Does it hurt that I don't feel part of the community already? Yes. Does it hurt more knowing that I can't help it due to consequences of living in a country where decisions are made and the effects of those decisions are just handed down to you and you're expected to follow blindly? Definitely. Not a blast against the government but it's just that I feel so seperated from all that I once knew. I don't know what's going on with me, what's going on in church. All I know is that I hate the camp I'm in, the warrant officer in charge of my platoon, the way other officers can sometimes treat us. I'm sure it's just that they're taking the chance to fuck with us before we turn-ops and get the chance to tear them a whole new one altogether. And I swear if given any sort of chance at all, Zen will be among the first few ones who gets a new asshole torn into him.
It's a bad day, waking up to find that I still have problems breathing, swallowing and drinking. Gonna have to go get my uniform back from the tailor's later, then head out. Thinking of bringing the new bass to camp to practice. Gotta book in earlier tonight coz I've to redo my whole fricken lbv. Standardization, so it was said. Guessing it'll be a busy week ahead, doing shadowing for the next two days, followed by POI exercise for the next three days after shadowing. Then it'll be a 8km run on Saturday at East Coast. Wonder how this week will be like without Jonathon around. Think MJ isn't around either. -sighs-
It's a fucked up week ahead. Oh great, I'm sorry, I forgot, it's a fucked up year ahead.
got around to thinking @ 10:37 AM
I'm currently feeling like shit. Still having difficulties breathing without pain and I still can't swallow properly so eating today will be a bitch. Damn it. Don't know what's with the sudden onset of this. Worse still, I haven't told anybody at home about it and I feel that it's worth going to the hospital to ask about. Or at least a clinic, if I don't want to seem to extreme.
Things have changed for me. A whole lot. I just get the feeling that I don't matter anymore. It just plain doesn't matter if I live or die. Maybe things would be a whole lot better if I weren't around anymore. How did things get the way they did? Am I just thinking too much, that things are just an illusion in my mind now? Or is it truly unfolding in front of my eyes and showing me that life indeed could be better for many others if I weren't around? I just feel that the world could use one less asshole around and that's me.
Went for basketball yesterday and I guess it was fun, winning all the games except the first. Was fun trying to get back into it after so long. Could really work on my shooting again though. Feel like crap knowing I can't play next week though. And not being able to play for ED for the next year and a half is also killing me ever so slowly. I digress. Back to ball, I felt rather rejuvenated from running around so much and I was kind of pleased at the games played and how I managed. Also, I'm closer to the rim once more. Time to train harder still if possible. I want to get that rim again!
Easter vigil last night was an experience for me. Can't remember the last time I went. Think I missed it last year because I was helping out and due to lack of seats left, I stayed on in the room. Or was that two years ago? I can't really remember. All I know is that I'm very out of the loop with regards to church now. Does it hurt that I don't feel part of the community already? Yes. Does it hurt more knowing that I can't help it due to consequences of living in a country where decisions are made and the effects of those decisions are just handed down to you and you're expected to follow blindly? Definitely. Not a blast against the government but it's just that I feel so seperated from all that I once knew. I don't know what's going on with me, what's going on in church. All I know is that I hate the camp I'm in, the warrant officer in charge of my platoon, the way other officers can sometimes treat us. I'm sure it's just that they're taking the chance to fuck with us before we turn-ops and get the chance to tear them a whole new one altogether. And I swear if given any sort of chance at all, Zen will be among the first few ones who gets a new asshole torn into him.
It's a bad day, waking up to find that I still have problems breathing, swallowing and drinking. Gonna have to go get my uniform back from the tailor's later, then head out. Thinking of bringing the new bass to camp to practice. Gotta book in earlier tonight coz I've to redo my whole fricken lbv. Standardization, so it was said. Guessing it'll be a busy week ahead, doing shadowing for the next two days, followed by POI exercise for the next three days after shadowing. Then it'll be a 8km run on Saturday at East Coast. Wonder how this week will be like without Jonathon around. Think MJ isn't around either. -sighs-
It's a fucked up week ahead. Oh great, I'm sorry, I forgot, it's a fucked up year ahead.
got around to thinking @ 10:37 AM
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