Just how long before this goes down?
Bits & Pieces
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Trackspin: hide with Spread Beaver - Everfree.
I'm feeling so damn tired. I've been sorely lacking sleep and it's due to bouts of sleeplessness yet again. This isn't good.
Finally spent some more time with Vannie yesterday after Carol had to leave to study and it wound up that yeah, the talk helped some I suppose. Don't know how things go for me with my life the way it is now so perhaps I just need to be a little more proactive and do what I want to. In due time perhaps.
Somehow I saw this coming. Perhaps it's just how things seem to always not work out for me. Maybe it's just me. I can't wait for everything to just end. I'm honestly tired of how things are.
In the past 2 weeks, I've come to see how much of a bastard my buddy can be, and I'm outrightly disgusted by his actions. What's worse is that I'll be in the same detail as him for next month's deployment. Fuck it. Is it just that I've been too blind to see all these from the start, from MPTS up till now? I mean, Sam, Terence, Michael, DX and maybe Kheng too have expressed some sort of emotions over this. Maybe I've been too blind to all that's been happening. Maybe I'm just too forgiving for my own good. Maybe it's time for a change.
I've realised from NS that whenever I give what I can to a purpose, for my good, things just don't work out the way I want them to, yet when I give a half-hearted effort, or rather, a half-fucked one perhaps, things wound up in a good way for me. BMT wasn't too bad for me, despite everything, punishments and all. I didn't really give my all, nor stood out from the rest, not at all. And I wound up where I wanted to be, as an MP. But in MPTS, I gave my all, tried to be a good friend, a good leader, and yet, I think I screwed up big time, having been sent to where I am now, which wasn't where I wanted to be in the first place, despite it being pretty alright now. And after that, giving what I had to try to make the best of my situation in 6SIR now with the platoon, things still aren't really working out. I'm just slowly getting very sick and tired of giving what I have to whatever I'm working on already. This isn't just for NS either, it links to other aspects of my life right now as well. Perhaps I just need a break from all this shit. But how and when? Probably never.
Is it worth giving your everything for anything when nobody appreciates it, when nobody ever gives a fuck about what it means to you, when nobody bothers about the effort and tears put into it?
got around to thinking @ 10:54 AM
I'm feeling so damn tired. I've been sorely lacking sleep and it's due to bouts of sleeplessness yet again. This isn't good.
Finally spent some more time with Vannie yesterday after Carol had to leave to study and it wound up that yeah, the talk helped some I suppose. Don't know how things go for me with my life the way it is now so perhaps I just need to be a little more proactive and do what I want to. In due time perhaps.
Somehow I saw this coming. Perhaps it's just how things seem to always not work out for me. Maybe it's just me. I can't wait for everything to just end. I'm honestly tired of how things are.
In the past 2 weeks, I've come to see how much of a bastard my buddy can be, and I'm outrightly disgusted by his actions. What's worse is that I'll be in the same detail as him for next month's deployment. Fuck it. Is it just that I've been too blind to see all these from the start, from MPTS up till now? I mean, Sam, Terence, Michael, DX and maybe Kheng too have expressed some sort of emotions over this. Maybe I've been too blind to all that's been happening. Maybe I'm just too forgiving for my own good. Maybe it's time for a change.
I've realised from NS that whenever I give what I can to a purpose, for my good, things just don't work out the way I want them to, yet when I give a half-hearted effort, or rather, a half-fucked one perhaps, things wound up in a good way for me. BMT wasn't too bad for me, despite everything, punishments and all. I didn't really give my all, nor stood out from the rest, not at all. And I wound up where I wanted to be, as an MP. But in MPTS, I gave my all, tried to be a good friend, a good leader, and yet, I think I screwed up big time, having been sent to where I am now, which wasn't where I wanted to be in the first place, despite it being pretty alright now. And after that, giving what I had to try to make the best of my situation in 6SIR now with the platoon, things still aren't really working out. I'm just slowly getting very sick and tired of giving what I have to whatever I'm working on already. This isn't just for NS either, it links to other aspects of my life right now as well. Perhaps I just need a break from all this shit. But how and when? Probably never.
Is it worth giving your everything for anything when nobody appreciates it, when nobody ever gives a fuck about what it means to you, when nobody bothers about the effort and tears put into it?
got around to thinking @ 10:54 AM
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