Just how long before this goes down?
Bits & Pieces
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Trackspin: FM Static - Tonight.
Fuck, my MSN's screwed. Or rather, my whole contact list is. Think I got a virus from a file that was sent to me two nights ago, resulting in SPAM being sent to my entire bloody contact list. Blinking shit man. To those who got some funny-ass mail from me, I'm sorry. I'm currently trying to solve the problem on my laptop and get rid of whatever the fuck I can find and yet, the damage has already been done. MOTHER-FUCKING SONOVABITCH! Of all bloody things to mess up, it HAD to be my MSN contact list. This spammers and virus writers should fucking rot in hell where there will be a specialised department for them. A department where live viruses are introduced into their bodies and they are strapped down to watch the viruses slowly eat and break down their bodies and basic motor functions. I'm fricken pissed off with this.
Jamming this upcoming Friday. It'll be a reprieve of sorts for me. I miss playing for all the various impromptu bands I've ever had the opportunity to be part of. Pearls Before Swine, Bamboos and Bougainvilleas, Above The Heavens. I guess it's always helped to relieve stress, somewhat, by playing. In ED, I hope I've managed to make a world of difference with the music we've played for the youth in church. I think I'm blessed for being able to be part of ED, to be able to play music. But I really need to destress now so I guess jamming this upcoming Friday should be a good thing, right? I hope so..
So how should I be feeling now? I honestly have no fucking idea how the hell I should be feeling right now. Not anymore. Mood swings, anybody?
After Friday and Saturday, I'm hurting in places I never knew could hurt before. Or rather, it's hurt before, but it's been a long while. Basketball is only one of the two reasons for this. And yet, basketball wasn't the damaging reason. And anyway, I've been diagnosed with left patella tendonitis. Welcome to the world where I believe I'll be wheelchair-bound before I hit 40. Wonderful.
There's so much I need to say and get off my chest. But that time will never come. Not anymore. So much for everything. I don't know how I'm going to last through this wek in camp, seems like a long time coming.
I wish I was one of those people who didn't have any problems expressing themselves. But then again, knowing myself, I think it'd be quite a scary sight if I were that way. Maybe I should be pacified with myself, for who I am, what I can do. Which brings me to another point altogether.
I can't help but feel that everything I've ever done has been for naught. You see, there are so many variables in life that I have no control over. Nothing ever turns out how I want it to be, how I try to work things out to make things seem right, to make things actually work out. I'm honestly tired of trying and giving. Have I been too giving, too nice, too relaxed in my decisions, too forgiving, too soft-hearted? Is that truly my character as it is or is it just me wanting to change who I am, from before, to this? Someone who doesn't even feel like standing up for his rights at times. So should I stop playing at being a nice guy and just do whatever I want to, without regard for whoever the fuck is around me that could possibly get affected by my decisions and actions? Maybe it's just a point in growing up where I've found that I wish to make things better. What things, I'll let you people figure out. I don't know if I've ever made a difference to anybody, in any way. I don't think so. Nothing I've done in my life so far seems to truly matter now..
So tell me that this hasn't been just a facade and that everything you've said wasn't just a lie to make me feel any better. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Tell me the truth coz at the end of the day, that's all that matters. But wait, hold up just a second.. Nothing matters anymore, does it..?
I feel so tired of living my life the way I've been doing.. I'm just tired of being nice, putting up with everything.. Patience has never been one of my strengths. I've been told otherwise but I refuse to believe that because I know how I can be when I want to be..
Alright, this has just been a long-drawn-out incomprehensible blogpost of shitworth.
amor vincit omnia
got around to thinking @ 9:41 AM
Fuck, my MSN's screwed. Or rather, my whole contact list is. Think I got a virus from a file that was sent to me two nights ago, resulting in SPAM being sent to my entire bloody contact list. Blinking shit man. To those who got some funny-ass mail from me, I'm sorry. I'm currently trying to solve the problem on my laptop and get rid of whatever the fuck I can find and yet, the damage has already been done. MOTHER-FUCKING SONOVABITCH! Of all bloody things to mess up, it HAD to be my MSN contact list. This spammers and virus writers should fucking rot in hell where there will be a specialised department for them. A department where live viruses are introduced into their bodies and they are strapped down to watch the viruses slowly eat and break down their bodies and basic motor functions. I'm fricken pissed off with this.
Jamming this upcoming Friday. It'll be a reprieve of sorts for me. I miss playing for all the various impromptu bands I've ever had the opportunity to be part of. Pearls Before Swine, Bamboos and Bougainvilleas, Above The Heavens. I guess it's always helped to relieve stress, somewhat, by playing. In ED, I hope I've managed to make a world of difference with the music we've played for the youth in church. I think I'm blessed for being able to be part of ED, to be able to play music. But I really need to destress now so I guess jamming this upcoming Friday should be a good thing, right? I hope so..
So how should I be feeling now? I honestly have no fucking idea how the hell I should be feeling right now. Not anymore. Mood swings, anybody?
After Friday and Saturday, I'm hurting in places I never knew could hurt before. Or rather, it's hurt before, but it's been a long while. Basketball is only one of the two reasons for this. And yet, basketball wasn't the damaging reason. And anyway, I've been diagnosed with left patella tendonitis. Welcome to the world where I believe I'll be wheelchair-bound before I hit 40. Wonderful.
There's so much I need to say and get off my chest. But that time will never come. Not anymore. So much for everything. I don't know how I'm going to last through this wek in camp, seems like a long time coming.
I wish I was one of those people who didn't have any problems expressing themselves. But then again, knowing myself, I think it'd be quite a scary sight if I were that way. Maybe I should be pacified with myself, for who I am, what I can do. Which brings me to another point altogether.
I can't help but feel that everything I've ever done has been for naught. You see, there are so many variables in life that I have no control over. Nothing ever turns out how I want it to be, how I try to work things out to make things seem right, to make things actually work out. I'm honestly tired of trying and giving. Have I been too giving, too nice, too relaxed in my decisions, too forgiving, too soft-hearted? Is that truly my character as it is or is it just me wanting to change who I am, from before, to this? Someone who doesn't even feel like standing up for his rights at times. So should I stop playing at being a nice guy and just do whatever I want to, without regard for whoever the fuck is around me that could possibly get affected by my decisions and actions? Maybe it's just a point in growing up where I've found that I wish to make things better. What things, I'll let you people figure out. I don't know if I've ever made a difference to anybody, in any way. I don't think so. Nothing I've done in my life so far seems to truly matter now..
So tell me that this hasn't been just a facade and that everything you've said wasn't just a lie to make me feel any better. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Tell me the truth coz at the end of the day, that's all that matters. But wait, hold up just a second.. Nothing matters anymore, does it..?
I feel so tired of living my life the way I've been doing.. I'm just tired of being nice, putting up with everything.. Patience has never been one of my strengths. I've been told otherwise but I refuse to believe that because I know how I can be when I want to be..
Alright, this has just been a long-drawn-out incomprehensible blogpost of shitworth.
amor vincit omnia
got around to thinking @ 9:41 AM
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