Just how long before this goes down?
Bits & Pieces
Friday, July 4, 2008
Trackspin: Creed - One Last Breath.
Wish I just had one last breath to take here.
It's been a long week in camp despite me having booked out on a Friday morning just a couple of hours ago. I'm tired as a mule in olden days of jackasses used as travelling means, with Austin Powers' Fat Bastard sitting on my back.
Failed SOC. Or rather, dropped out of it. Hurt my whole right arm, from shoulder, elbow and wrist. Kind of hard to move it around fast or clench my fist tightly. That coupled with my back spasms and patella tendonitis in my left knee. Wow. I figure I'm the most injured guy in the platoon at the moment. Can't retake SOC on Tuesday coz Jonny won't allow us to do so. I know he has our interests at heart so I guess I'm fine with living with that, for now.
It's been a really bad week. WO talked bout not gossiping or leaving out particular people in our platoon. Kind of hard not to when the fucker's my buddy since December 26th. Damn it. Half a year of shit already and a long, long way to go. Guess till then, I'll be waiting to punch his lights out and just literally beat him. Heck, the whole section finds him a problem. So do most of my commanders. So do most of the other section as well. I wonder who he hasn't pissed off yet. Just about nobody, perhaps. Time comes and goes, and soon, his time will come..
You know how sometimes, it's so easy to just lash out and hurt the person you love and care for the most in a fit of anger and frustration? I think I'm guilty of this and I believe it's becoming a big problem for me. Perhaps it's just how I see things so negatively despite being able to encourage people to look at their lives positively. Is it because I can't find anything positive to look forward to in my life at this point in time? Maybe so. I've just lost all motivation to get through my two years. Nothing matters to me anymore and I believe I've just become another statistic. Perhaps it's somebody else around when I can't be. I don't want to recall the thoughts I've dreamt up in my darkest moments. I think I'm breaking down slowly but surely, with deployment, with all the shit I see everywhere. Perhaps self-improvement would be a start for me. Starting with my temper. The past year or so through NS, I actually believed that my temper had subsided and I stayed mostly out of bouts of anger and frustration. But maybe I was just lying to myself and it was all just repressed and kept inside. Stress perhaps. After watching the show yesterday in the rec room, I don't know which leader I could possibly be. The one who makes a whole lot of bad decisions? Or the one who doesn't make any decisions? Which one is worse?
got around to thinking @ 12:22 PM
Wish I just had one last breath to take here.
It's been a long week in camp despite me having booked out on a Friday morning just a couple of hours ago. I'm tired as a mule in olden days of jackasses used as travelling means, with Austin Powers' Fat Bastard sitting on my back.
Failed SOC. Or rather, dropped out of it. Hurt my whole right arm, from shoulder, elbow and wrist. Kind of hard to move it around fast or clench my fist tightly. That coupled with my back spasms and patella tendonitis in my left knee. Wow. I figure I'm the most injured guy in the platoon at the moment. Can't retake SOC on Tuesday coz Jonny won't allow us to do so. I know he has our interests at heart so I guess I'm fine with living with that, for now.
It's been a really bad week. WO talked bout not gossiping or leaving out particular people in our platoon. Kind of hard not to when the fucker's my buddy since December 26th. Damn it. Half a year of shit already and a long, long way to go. Guess till then, I'll be waiting to punch his lights out and just literally beat him. Heck, the whole section finds him a problem. So do most of my commanders. So do most of the other section as well. I wonder who he hasn't pissed off yet. Just about nobody, perhaps. Time comes and goes, and soon, his time will come..
You know how sometimes, it's so easy to just lash out and hurt the person you love and care for the most in a fit of anger and frustration? I think I'm guilty of this and I believe it's becoming a big problem for me. Perhaps it's just how I see things so negatively despite being able to encourage people to look at their lives positively. Is it because I can't find anything positive to look forward to in my life at this point in time? Maybe so. I've just lost all motivation to get through my two years. Nothing matters to me anymore and I believe I've just become another statistic. Perhaps it's somebody else around when I can't be. I don't want to recall the thoughts I've dreamt up in my darkest moments. I think I'm breaking down slowly but surely, with deployment, with all the shit I see everywhere. Perhaps self-improvement would be a start for me. Starting with my temper. The past year or so through NS, I actually believed that my temper had subsided and I stayed mostly out of bouts of anger and frustration. But maybe I was just lying to myself and it was all just repressed and kept inside. Stress perhaps. After watching the show yesterday in the rec room, I don't know which leader I could possibly be. The one who makes a whole lot of bad decisions? Or the one who doesn't make any decisions? Which one is worse?
got around to thinking @ 12:22 PM
Comments:
Post a Comment