Just how long before this goes down?
Bits & Pieces
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Trackspin: Jason Mraz - Clockwatching.
Another nice song.
Yesterday wasn't a good day. Multiple incidences of bad timing and bad meeting ups. And realisation of having been lied to every single step of the way set in yet again. Those in the train who knew what it's about, I guess it's self-explanatory. If it'd happened overseas, maybe a mafia-style killing would have entered into mind, because there's just so much I would have loved to do.
I absolutely hate it. How people can so blatantly lie to you, over and over again, without a care at all. The hurt, it cuts deep into you and each time you learn about the lies, the wounds don't close, they just split and open up wider. More and more, uncovered each time, resulting in you feeling the hurt each and every time something reminds you of your past and the so-called "mistakes" you've made. There are three lanes from that point onward:
1- You choose to wallow in self-pity, pain and don't get over it yet. You will, eventually, but you choose to feel the hurt to remind yourself that you're only human. Mistakes are a part and parcel of life. After time, you carry on with life.
2- You get angry and want to hurt the people who've hurt you. Terribly. Eventually, you'll see that there's no point in remaining angry, because what's done is done and those people might have had their reasons for hurting you. But you still have that little knot in you that tells you to abandon your self-restraint and just beat the shit out of those people or something along those lines.
3- You pick yourself up immediately, tell yourself that tomorrow will be a better day, learn to live with your mistakes, along with the mistakes that others made, resulting in the hurt you've experienced. "Look to this day, for a day well-lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness."
This last line meant a lot to me, coming from somebody. I truly believe that living well everyday will make your memories that much sweeter and maybe a tad more memorable. Despite all the problems I had yesterday, despite the bad things that happened, I still believe I lived the day well, in my opinion. Including getting wasted, puking and all, I did enjoy myself too, the company was the best I could ask for. I wouldn't change anything from yesterday at all. Not in the world. Well, maybe only one thing, but that's another whole different story.
With regard to the 3 lanes you take on deciding how to face up to your problems, I don't know which mine really is. I believe that I'm still choosing to face the pain because of mistakes I've made and that one day, I might be able to forgive myself for all that's happened. At the same time, I want to hurt that "other" party, very much so. But that's just a waste of time, is a complete waste of effort and would do no good for my reputation. It would have been easy to just do that last night too. All I had to do was to turn around and start something. But right now, I think I'm going along with the last option. I'm choosing to live my life for what it's worth right now, accepting that what's been done cannot be changed. Nothing will ever change the fact that people do what they do for the weirdest reasons. I guess I don't really care anymore either.
Someone else recently told me to be cheerful and remain optimistic despite the happenings in camp. Thank you very much for that, it means a whole lot to me, because it did put some things in perspective in my life for me. I guess I need to at least TRY to be happy, for my own sake, if not for others around me too. Thanks a million, truly.
I wish last night could have been better, with the missing people from ED around. Your presences were sorely missed, amidst the celebrations. People like Boomy and family, Arnold and family, Raymond, Darren, Joachim.
Alright, time for breakfast. Alcohol retention from last night's dinner caused me to puke every single thing out I believe. Almost literally puking my guts out perhaps, haha. Stomach's calling out for food right now so I guess I'll go hunt for whatever is edible at home right now. More on my mind but I guess it'll have to wait for my next post when I get back from camp and all during the week. And I seriously want my Blackberry. Before I go, there are a few shout-outs for a bunch of people below.
Joy: If you read this, congrats on your getting accepted into NUS. Hope you will be happy with your choice of studies and the decisions you make in life. Live life for what it's worth and stay happy. That'll be the best advice I could ever have given to you, amongst the crap and nonsense we've talked about all those times. Take care and God bless.
Eternal Dawn: Thank you all, for being that second family to me. It has been a great time having played with all the great talents each and every year, each time being a different experience, with the coming and going of the musicians and singers, each bringing their own special bit to the group. Cheers to us as a band and that we may never forget who we're playing for, that we will always keep our heads on straight on our role in the youth scene. We may lose sight of our objectives at times, but everybody stumbles. Important thing is, we must get up and focus on the reason we exist. Individually, we might not be the best to do a task like this, but I believe we've all received a calling, to bring our gifts and to reach out to the youth through our music, as one. (: Thanks once again you all, much love to each and every one, past and present.
Eugene: Thanks for being there man. Good to know that we both went out with the intention of getting wasted. Perhaps more next time, but later into the night or something. Haha.
Marianne: Hey kid, just wanted to tell you that this post is partially dedicated to you too. Sounds like you've been having a whole lot of problems lately and I hope you don't go down that road again. I know it isn't nice and I honestly don't think it's like you to do all that. Try to cheer up? I'm around if you ever need to rant or just to talk to, and I believe that many of your friends would gladly be your listening ears too. (:
Val: Hullo hullo! -winks- HAHA. Thanks for being around last night and I'm sure you enjoyed your night eh? Will forward you pictures soon, HAHA. Thanks for always being the listening ear too.
Tricia: Boo missy! You might be surprised to have this shout-out to you but yes, don't be. Thanks for the constant reminders to stay happy, haha. I'm already trying though! You should stay happy and cheerful too okay? (: Wednesday!
got around to thinking @ 8:38 AM
Another nice song.
Yesterday wasn't a good day. Multiple incidences of bad timing and bad meeting ups. And realisation of having been lied to every single step of the way set in yet again. Those in the train who knew what it's about, I guess it's self-explanatory. If it'd happened overseas, maybe a mafia-style killing would have entered into mind, because there's just so much I would have loved to do.
I absolutely hate it. How people can so blatantly lie to you, over and over again, without a care at all. The hurt, it cuts deep into you and each time you learn about the lies, the wounds don't close, they just split and open up wider. More and more, uncovered each time, resulting in you feeling the hurt each and every time something reminds you of your past and the so-called "mistakes" you've made. There are three lanes from that point onward:
1- You choose to wallow in self-pity, pain and don't get over it yet. You will, eventually, but you choose to feel the hurt to remind yourself that you're only human. Mistakes are a part and parcel of life. After time, you carry on with life.
2- You get angry and want to hurt the people who've hurt you. Terribly. Eventually, you'll see that there's no point in remaining angry, because what's done is done and those people might have had their reasons for hurting you. But you still have that little knot in you that tells you to abandon your self-restraint and just beat the shit out of those people or something along those lines.
3- You pick yourself up immediately, tell yourself that tomorrow will be a better day, learn to live with your mistakes, along with the mistakes that others made, resulting in the hurt you've experienced. "Look to this day, for a day well-lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness."
This last line meant a lot to me, coming from somebody. I truly believe that living well everyday will make your memories that much sweeter and maybe a tad more memorable. Despite all the problems I had yesterday, despite the bad things that happened, I still believe I lived the day well, in my opinion. Including getting wasted, puking and all, I did enjoy myself too, the company was the best I could ask for. I wouldn't change anything from yesterday at all. Not in the world. Well, maybe only one thing, but that's another whole different story.
With regard to the 3 lanes you take on deciding how to face up to your problems, I don't know which mine really is. I believe that I'm still choosing to face the pain because of mistakes I've made and that one day, I might be able to forgive myself for all that's happened. At the same time, I want to hurt that "other" party, very much so. But that's just a waste of time, is a complete waste of effort and would do no good for my reputation. It would have been easy to just do that last night too. All I had to do was to turn around and start something. But right now, I think I'm going along with the last option. I'm choosing to live my life for what it's worth right now, accepting that what's been done cannot be changed. Nothing will ever change the fact that people do what they do for the weirdest reasons. I guess I don't really care anymore either.
Someone else recently told me to be cheerful and remain optimistic despite the happenings in camp. Thank you very much for that, it means a whole lot to me, because it did put some things in perspective in my life for me. I guess I need to at least TRY to be happy, for my own sake, if not for others around me too. Thanks a million, truly.
I wish last night could have been better, with the missing people from ED around. Your presences were sorely missed, amidst the celebrations. People like Boomy and family, Arnold and family, Raymond, Darren, Joachim.
Alright, time for breakfast. Alcohol retention from last night's dinner caused me to puke every single thing out I believe. Almost literally puking my guts out perhaps, haha. Stomach's calling out for food right now so I guess I'll go hunt for whatever is edible at home right now. More on my mind but I guess it'll have to wait for my next post when I get back from camp and all during the week. And I seriously want my Blackberry. Before I go, there are a few shout-outs for a bunch of people below.
Joy: If you read this, congrats on your getting accepted into NUS. Hope you will be happy with your choice of studies and the decisions you make in life. Live life for what it's worth and stay happy. That'll be the best advice I could ever have given to you, amongst the crap and nonsense we've talked about all those times. Take care and God bless.
Eternal Dawn: Thank you all, for being that second family to me. It has been a great time having played with all the great talents each and every year, each time being a different experience, with the coming and going of the musicians and singers, each bringing their own special bit to the group. Cheers to us as a band and that we may never forget who we're playing for, that we will always keep our heads on straight on our role in the youth scene. We may lose sight of our objectives at times, but everybody stumbles. Important thing is, we must get up and focus on the reason we exist. Individually, we might not be the best to do a task like this, but I believe we've all received a calling, to bring our gifts and to reach out to the youth through our music, as one. (: Thanks once again you all, much love to each and every one, past and present.
Eugene: Thanks for being there man. Good to know that we both went out with the intention of getting wasted. Perhaps more next time, but later into the night or something. Haha.
Marianne: Hey kid, just wanted to tell you that this post is partially dedicated to you too. Sounds like you've been having a whole lot of problems lately and I hope you don't go down that road again. I know it isn't nice and I honestly don't think it's like you to do all that. Try to cheer up? I'm around if you ever need to rant or just to talk to, and I believe that many of your friends would gladly be your listening ears too. (:
Val: Hullo hullo! -winks- HAHA. Thanks for being around last night and I'm sure you enjoyed your night eh? Will forward you pictures soon, HAHA. Thanks for always being the listening ear too.
Tricia: Boo missy! You might be surprised to have this shout-out to you but yes, don't be. Thanks for the constant reminders to stay happy, haha. I'm already trying though! You should stay happy and cheerful too okay? (: Wednesday!
got around to thinking @ 8:38 AM
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