Just how long before this goes down?
Bits & Pieces
Friday, June 5, 2009
Trackspin: James Morrison (Feat. Nelly Furtado) - Broken Strings.
Been seriously stuck on this song the past couple of days, though a new song has taken it's place since last night. I guess I'm really becoming a sucker for sappy songs and such. Sigh.
I'm really tempted to trade/sell Nez for a new bass. I just don't find it a joy to be playing her already, sad to say. Just not cutting it for me, sound-wise and the weight has been killing my back for the past few practices that have stretched time. Going back to 4 would be good and fun I suppose. Really what I'm looking forward to, except that I might wind up with a 5 again though.
Today, I realised that my 17-50 is a great walkabout lens, except for the range. Hmm, already have something in mind but it'll take time and that can be done at leisure I suppose. Only thing is that, I'll probably keep the 17-50 for it's constant F2.8 aperture. Such a lovely thing, haha. Bokeh!
The first match of Finals is later on and I'm still not asleep. I wonder if I'll even be able to get up and catch it. I honestly feel so drained from everything in camp and out. I've been questioning myself whether it's worth helping out and doing everything I've done so far and sadly, I think I know the answer isn't what I want it to be. It's just a bad scenario when something has to be forced and that's how I feel right now. Either I feel compelled to do something, or I'm just all-out forced to do it anyway. What's the difference? Do the people I'm doing it for appreciate it? Does my presence make a difference to them? Or is it just this whole thing about using someone and milking what they have to give for what it's worth while they're around? I'm just so frustrated inside at all that's happening. It just might be a matter of time before keeping calm fails.
I haven't been spending too much time with family. Honestly, I wish this wasn't the case, but family feels estranged somewhat, sometimes. It's just that after so many years, it's hard to change things. Perhaps this was how it was meant to be and maybe it's better this way, that I be more independent and conscious about family like that.
I honestly don't know what's seriously bothering me so much that I cannot get to sleep tonight. It has been this way for a little while, me wasting my energy on staying online and waiting for sleep to consume me, for me to fall unconscious in bed with the soft music playing still. Too much has been going on, too much has been on my mind. This isn't good, for me, for anyone else around me.
The one thing I've always been afraid, and will continue to be afraid of, is to lose the friendships I've made through the years. After every single relationship, I've realised that I've rarely ever talked to any of the former girlfriends. It's not that I don't try to, it's the reverse I think. Maybe it's a whole cycle of avoidance and all because of the hurt and all but sometimes, I just wonder, was I really that bad off that you can't even talk to me now? I guess I'll never know. As such, I guess I am afraid of losing friendships, especially those that mean a lot to me, and especially so for people whom I'm really close to. Some things are just too big to risk and I honestly do not know if the risk is ever worth taking. Val said that sometimes, there's just no right or wrong time. But I believe that time will tell, somehow. Even until the day that I know I've missed my chance at something, time would still tell. Committing virtual suicide is not all it's made out to be.
Alright, I'm babbling already and that's a very bad sign. It's time for me to continue listening to some songs and sleep if I can, I suppose.
So much more inside.
got around to thinking @ 1:15 AM
Been seriously stuck on this song the past couple of days, though a new song has taken it's place since last night. I guess I'm really becoming a sucker for sappy songs and such. Sigh.
I'm really tempted to trade/sell Nez for a new bass. I just don't find it a joy to be playing her already, sad to say. Just not cutting it for me, sound-wise and the weight has been killing my back for the past few practices that have stretched time. Going back to 4 would be good and fun I suppose. Really what I'm looking forward to, except that I might wind up with a 5 again though.
Today, I realised that my 17-50 is a great walkabout lens, except for the range. Hmm, already have something in mind but it'll take time and that can be done at leisure I suppose. Only thing is that, I'll probably keep the 17-50 for it's constant F2.8 aperture. Such a lovely thing, haha. Bokeh!
The first match of Finals is later on and I'm still not asleep. I wonder if I'll even be able to get up and catch it. I honestly feel so drained from everything in camp and out. I've been questioning myself whether it's worth helping out and doing everything I've done so far and sadly, I think I know the answer isn't what I want it to be. It's just a bad scenario when something has to be forced and that's how I feel right now. Either I feel compelled to do something, or I'm just all-out forced to do it anyway. What's the difference? Do the people I'm doing it for appreciate it? Does my presence make a difference to them? Or is it just this whole thing about using someone and milking what they have to give for what it's worth while they're around? I'm just so frustrated inside at all that's happening. It just might be a matter of time before keeping calm fails.
I haven't been spending too much time with family. Honestly, I wish this wasn't the case, but family feels estranged somewhat, sometimes. It's just that after so many years, it's hard to change things. Perhaps this was how it was meant to be and maybe it's better this way, that I be more independent and conscious about family like that.
I honestly don't know what's seriously bothering me so much that I cannot get to sleep tonight. It has been this way for a little while, me wasting my energy on staying online and waiting for sleep to consume me, for me to fall unconscious in bed with the soft music playing still. Too much has been going on, too much has been on my mind. This isn't good, for me, for anyone else around me.
The one thing I've always been afraid, and will continue to be afraid of, is to lose the friendships I've made through the years. After every single relationship, I've realised that I've rarely ever talked to any of the former girlfriends. It's not that I don't try to, it's the reverse I think. Maybe it's a whole cycle of avoidance and all because of the hurt and all but sometimes, I just wonder, was I really that bad off that you can't even talk to me now? I guess I'll never know. As such, I guess I am afraid of losing friendships, especially those that mean a lot to me, and especially so for people whom I'm really close to. Some things are just too big to risk and I honestly do not know if the risk is ever worth taking. Val said that sometimes, there's just no right or wrong time. But I believe that time will tell, somehow. Even until the day that I know I've missed my chance at something, time would still tell. Committing virtual suicide is not all it's made out to be.
Alright, I'm babbling already and that's a very bad sign. It's time for me to continue listening to some songs and sleep if I can, I suppose.
So much more inside.
got around to thinking @ 1:15 AM
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