Just how long before this goes down?
Bits & Pieces
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Trackspin: Marie Digby - Daybreak.
I've been stuck on Marie Digby for the past week. Pretty nice and easy on the ears for long journeys.
Okay, so it's October already. My job still isn't stable enough for my liking and today, I heard of some bad news which made my mom remind me that it's better to get a "proper" full-time job and this time, I feel compelled to do so, just because of what has happened/is happening/has been happening. It is entirely frustrating to know that your friends' families can be so eager to push them to go for what they want, to pursue their interests and yet, although my family doesn't speak out against my decisions, they make it known so clearly that they don't like it. Also, it is also family that is causing me so many problems and putting up so many obstacles that prevent me from truly going all out and pursuing what I want to do for real. It's just so maddening when you get to this age and know that despite all your parents said, but yet, nothing will turn out how you want it to, and in the end, everybody is unhappy, me because I'm simply unable to pursue what I want to do what I'm interested in, and them because they're unhappy about me doing what I want to, which they deem is unacceptable and outside of their norms. I truly am at a loss of what to do at this point in time. So much for taking up a job for now and wanting to take this year to decide on what I want to do with my life. I don't want to be another mindless drone in a cubicle and be the unassuming butt of Scott Adam's jokes. For the uninitiated, Scott Adam is the writer for Dilbert, the comic strip that is serving the cubicle-dwelling personnel of nations worldwide.
Musically, I'm getting nowhere. I haven't touched my bass too much lately, at home and all. I just feel a lack of verve to play, with ED the way it is now. I don't know why, but things just aren't the same anymore. It's just a matter of time. And honestly, if I were to leave ED at some point in time, I would think that there would be nothing left for me to come back to church for.
I feel as though I've been losing touch with my friends, even though these days, I definitely have more free time to meet up with other people and such. I don't know why. Maybe everybody is just busy with their lives and at my age, everybody is just trying to make life worthwhile, by pouring their hearts and minds into their studies and dedicating themselves to their work as well. I think maybe it was a wrong idea to forsake a holiday after NS, I seem to really have needed a break away from life here. Nothing has truly changed and I feel that during NS, at least there was something to look forward to, something I wanted to achieve, which I did, I suppose. Right now, the future just looks a little too bleak and unassuming, just waiting to work until I die here.
A long break is needed, somehow. I guess I'll need to work and save up money. And once I'm ready for that trip, I'll take it, along with whoever is free at that point in time. I'd really love to take a road trip or hike, go backpacking somewhere. Anywhere where I can get away from the hustle and bustle here, plus away from my troubles, if only for a while.
Do I seem like an escapist to you? I seem to love running away from my problems. Even this whole issue about love/like with regards to somebody. I seem to be running away from it, simply because I'm afraid of how things might turn out. It's just seriously bothering me on a level I cannot comprehend because I haven't felt this way for a long time. I'm not talking about the feeling of liking somebody. Rather, it's the feeling of fear of failure at something, at rejection maybe? But more so a fear of screwing up a friendship, because that's one thing I've learnt to treasure these few years, because my friends have always been the ones who have been around for me, though I can't honestly say the reverse has been true all the time. I'm truly thankful for each and every one of you who has made a difference to me simply by being a part of my life, especially in times when I needed the support and comfort of friends, especially the past year and a half, two years. It hasn't been the smoothest journey for me, but I guess I just wanted to thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. And especially so to The Udders, you all are being missed greatly when we each go missing for weeks at a time, plus with Carol overseas now. Let's plan for a good food trip when she's back or something. Work and studies may separate us for weeks at a go, but I think our friendship is stronger than that and I pray that nothing will change for us despite us growing up and finding ourselves in these years, including the upcoming ones.
Okay, I'd best get going, I need to be at the event for Darren in an hour, and everything is more or less ready. I'm praying work tomorrow will be fun and not too strenuous, though I doubt so. Hopefully I learn more along the way with Michael again. Next Saturday, I'll be working for the first time with Jonathan. Hopefully it'll go great too, as Shawn said he's really easy-going. Alright, cheers to you readers, and may you all have a blessed weekend ahead that allows for peaceful rest and fun. I know mine will be busy but still fun, in ways.
got around to thinking @ 12:00 PM
I've been stuck on Marie Digby for the past week. Pretty nice and easy on the ears for long journeys.
Okay, so it's October already. My job still isn't stable enough for my liking and today, I heard of some bad news which made my mom remind me that it's better to get a "proper" full-time job and this time, I feel compelled to do so, just because of what has happened/is happening/has been happening. It is entirely frustrating to know that your friends' families can be so eager to push them to go for what they want, to pursue their interests and yet, although my family doesn't speak out against my decisions, they make it known so clearly that they don't like it. Also, it is also family that is causing me so many problems and putting up so many obstacles that prevent me from truly going all out and pursuing what I want to do for real. It's just so maddening when you get to this age and know that despite all your parents said, but yet, nothing will turn out how you want it to, and in the end, everybody is unhappy, me because I'm simply unable to pursue what I want to do what I'm interested in, and them because they're unhappy about me doing what I want to, which they deem is unacceptable and outside of their norms. I truly am at a loss of what to do at this point in time. So much for taking up a job for now and wanting to take this year to decide on what I want to do with my life. I don't want to be another mindless drone in a cubicle and be the unassuming butt of Scott Adam's jokes. For the uninitiated, Scott Adam is the writer for Dilbert, the comic strip that is serving the cubicle-dwelling personnel of nations worldwide.
Musically, I'm getting nowhere. I haven't touched my bass too much lately, at home and all. I just feel a lack of verve to play, with ED the way it is now. I don't know why, but things just aren't the same anymore. It's just a matter of time. And honestly, if I were to leave ED at some point in time, I would think that there would be nothing left for me to come back to church for.
I feel as though I've been losing touch with my friends, even though these days, I definitely have more free time to meet up with other people and such. I don't know why. Maybe everybody is just busy with their lives and at my age, everybody is just trying to make life worthwhile, by pouring their hearts and minds into their studies and dedicating themselves to their work as well. I think maybe it was a wrong idea to forsake a holiday after NS, I seem to really have needed a break away from life here. Nothing has truly changed and I feel that during NS, at least there was something to look forward to, something I wanted to achieve, which I did, I suppose. Right now, the future just looks a little too bleak and unassuming, just waiting to work until I die here.
A long break is needed, somehow. I guess I'll need to work and save up money. And once I'm ready for that trip, I'll take it, along with whoever is free at that point in time. I'd really love to take a road trip or hike, go backpacking somewhere. Anywhere where I can get away from the hustle and bustle here, plus away from my troubles, if only for a while.
Do I seem like an escapist to you? I seem to love running away from my problems. Even this whole issue about love/like with regards to somebody. I seem to be running away from it, simply because I'm afraid of how things might turn out. It's just seriously bothering me on a level I cannot comprehend because I haven't felt this way for a long time. I'm not talking about the feeling of liking somebody. Rather, it's the feeling of fear of failure at something, at rejection maybe? But more so a fear of screwing up a friendship, because that's one thing I've learnt to treasure these few years, because my friends have always been the ones who have been around for me, though I can't honestly say the reverse has been true all the time. I'm truly thankful for each and every one of you who has made a difference to me simply by being a part of my life, especially in times when I needed the support and comfort of friends, especially the past year and a half, two years. It hasn't been the smoothest journey for me, but I guess I just wanted to thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. And especially so to The Udders, you all are being missed greatly when we each go missing for weeks at a time, plus with Carol overseas now. Let's plan for a good food trip when she's back or something. Work and studies may separate us for weeks at a go, but I think our friendship is stronger than that and I pray that nothing will change for us despite us growing up and finding ourselves in these years, including the upcoming ones.
Okay, I'd best get going, I need to be at the event for Darren in an hour, and everything is more or less ready. I'm praying work tomorrow will be fun and not too strenuous, though I doubt so. Hopefully I learn more along the way with Michael again. Next Saturday, I'll be working for the first time with Jonathan. Hopefully it'll go great too, as Shawn said he's really easy-going. Alright, cheers to you readers, and may you all have a blessed weekend ahead that allows for peaceful rest and fun. I know mine will be busy but still fun, in ways.
got around to thinking @ 12:00 PM
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